Defensiveness can feel like a natural reaction when we believe we are under attack. Our partner, family member, or friend makes a comment that we interpret as critical, and almost before we can think, words come flying out of our mouths to protect us. We explain, we justify, or we counterattack. In the moment, defensiveness feels necessary for self-preservation; however, in truth, it is a barrier to love and connection.

So much hurt and pain is caused in our world, communities, and homes because people don’t think before they speak. So even though we may feel frustrated, disheartened, or angry, it is wise to take some time before we engage with others to calm down and respond instead of reacting.